Michael and I both went back to school as most of you know and things have been rough. Things have actually been really rough for the past year. Not anything that has to do with our personal relationships with each other or our families, or even with school, but all the necessities.
Every few months it feels like the bottom is going to fall out of this tug boat we're on and we are going to be drowning. We both know we are doing exactly what we are supposed to be doing right now in our lives but I tell you what, it's not easy. I didn't expect it to be easy but I also did not expect it to get worse and worse. We have been through a lot in the past few years and this doesn't even touch some of the struggles we have had to face as a couple and as individuals but it's sure working it's way up there. It is a struggle to see the positive in the situation we find our selves in but I am trying. I have almost always been able to see the silver lining in everything I have ever had to go through...and people I have been through a lot!...but for some reason this one's escaping my view. Maybe it is because it feels endless. We chose this journey and I am happy to take it, and so far I feel like I have learned so much but I feel like I must be missing the mark in this trial. I am struggling to see the reasons behind the struggles we now face and why they seem so endless. I am praying for the Lord to teach me what it is I need to know and what we need to learn together, because to go through this for the next 10 years of school and residency, etc. seems unbearable.
Don't get me wrong in my rantings, I am absolutely enjoying our journey and cherishing the things we get to experience as individuals and together. Our trials have always brought us closer together, not pushed us apart (no matter what they have been) and I am so grateful for that.
6 comments:
Ugh. I'm sorry things are so tough right now. I admire you so much for the incredible choices you guys are making and the lessons you are learning and teaching your children. It's pretty incredible! There's nothing I can say that will make it easier or more worth it. And I definitely don't know any of the reasons behind it. Sometimes I wonder if some of our hardest trials have no more purpose than just to see if we'll simply obey. But regardless of why, you are in your own refiner's fire and He is cleansing, purifying, purifying, and sanctifying you, making you His. Love you. You'll make it through. There's an end. Maybe it's farther away than you would like, but it's coming. You're amazing. I can't tell you that enough. Love you girly!!
We are in our own time of trial right now also so I can relate but interestingly enough ours is tailor-made for us!!! I like what Elder Orson F Whitney said: "No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God...and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father and Mother in heaven..." I just gotta believe it will all be worth it!!!
I chose a very difficult, fast, and exhausting path to graduation when I was in college. I had 18 credits in Spring Term, which is just crazy and I was doing these classes with a whole cohort of other crazies. Anyway, one day we were all just beat and feeling very hopeless and exhausted in every way. I'm sure you know the feeling well. One of my professors took notice and he told us something that really helped me for some reason. It's pretty simple, and I don't remember the exact words, but the gist of it is: Time is kind. Because whether you get everything done or not, or do it as well as you want, etc., time marches on and it eventually carries you to the end. And when you get there and look back you'll see all that you've accomplished and how much you've grown. Then you will finally be able to make money, not lose it. You can regain control of your time (somewhat). You'll feel empowered and awesome! Until then, hang in there. You are capable of more than you realize now, but down the road you'll see it and feel a great sense of accomplishment. Good luck! I have faith in you and it sounds like the Lord must have a tremendous amount of faith in you too.
Keep truckin' You guys are awesome- anyone who does school and has a family is amazing.
Hugs...more hugs...and anytime you need that helping hand...CALL!
You guys are amazing. The end.
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