Sad...

I just wanted to let everyone know, in case you hadn't already heard, we had a miscarriage this week. It has been VERY hard on both us. And it didn't help that Michael was right in the middle of finals. (He graduated tonight) He had the feeling Wednesday morning that he should re-schedule his final from that night to Friday. It was a good thing he did. The lord truly does bless you in times of need.

We are apparently among the 3% of pregnancies that miscarry after you have seen a strong heart beat. (We saw it 3 times) I had some spotting on Wednesday evening so we called the doctor. He told us it's likely to be normal but since with my previous pregnancy this hadn't happened he had us come straight in. Well as you can guess it was not great news. As soon as I saw the ultra sound image I knew. It is so heart breaking to see your child with little arms and legs and their little head and have all movement be gone. I had seen our little one just the week before on the ultra sound with it's tiny little heart beating away.

According to the size of the baby it hadn't grown at all since the last time I saw, which was a week and a half ago. I should have been coming up on 11 weeks and the baby was at 9. The doctor assured us that when it comes to miscarriages where you have a heart beat and then it stops, there is nothing that can be done to prevent it. It is your body's way of saying, something is wrong with the way the chromosomes are separating on this child, and that it will not be normal even if it goes to term. So your body aborts it.

The doctor was surprised that I was not bleeding more heavily or that I was not cramping, which gave Michael and I great hope even though deep down we knew this child was gone. We went back in the yesterday to do another ultra-sound to make sure there were not two babies (thank you to aunt Kay). There were not so we scheduled the D & C for this morning. This has by far been the hardest experience I have ever been through and I would not wish it on my worst enemy. We are still struggling very much but we are VERY great full for the support we continue to receive from our families even if at times it seems as though I'm not. Both Michael and my families have been so gracious to offer us what ever we need.

I know the two of us have prayed more in the past few days then we have together ever. I know that God has a plan for us and I have more faith now then ever. We know our children will be born in the covenant and we have faith in the Lord to keep his end of the bargain as long as we keep ours. Which we have come to realize we have not been doing well. We read a chapter in the Book Of Mormon on Wednesday night, it was telling us to have faith and miracles happen with great faith. It was a great comfort to know the Lord know you and knows what you need to hear. We sat and read through our patriarchal blessings last night. It was likely one of the best things we could have done at that moment. It reassured us that our time will come to have more children. It just may take a while longer. It also tells us life is so fragile, how true this statement is.

It is so disheartening to wait sooo long, finally get so excited after we saw the heart beat, be so attached, and then have it ripped from you in an instant. We know if we stay strong and do as the Lord commands of us and follow the counsel of the Prophet everything will work out.

I am so great full I chose to marry someone who is so understanding and so thoughtful. I know that man will do anything for me and it makes this all just a little bit easier. It still amazes me, every challenge we face brings us so much closer together. I've never been more appreciative of Michael as I am right now. He will sit with me all day and just let me cry even if he has a million other things to do because he is so concerned about my well being. He cares sooo much for me and Kailye and I love him more and more for it each day. I am so glad I trusted the Lord in my decision to marry him and in our decision to get sealed in the temple. I can't image my life without the knowledge of an eternal family and with out the blessing of an eternal marriage. It is the best thing I could have done in my life.

Thank you to all of you for being there for us during this difficult time. I know it has been hard for me to be around everyone and it probably will be for a few more days but I am very great full for all of you.

We love you all very much.